at home… in China

Funny thing.

If you go by what you hear, even in the midst of the reports on China’s economic growth, it doesn’t sound like a place to be: pollution everywhere, except maybe in those places which are truly backwards, without too much in terms of medical care or other amenities; traffic that is even more lethal than the air and water – and those are not exactly safe; (more…)

I was just on a train to Beijing, taking some time off to run some errands.
Strange situation, being separated from my love, but in order to organize things so that we can be together.

Alone on the train, I was thinking, reminiscing:
When I was a bit younger, I watched Michael Palin’s journeys… “Around the World in 80 days“, “Full Circle” around the Pacific…
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It was – as happens every now and then – a talk with Ellis which made me throw the question to Jocelyn: What’s your opinion, considering Chinese-Western marriages, about name changes? Now that her answer is here, it’s time for me to come clean…

In traditionally-minded China, if a relationship is to be considered the real thing, it’s considered as a pact for life. Marriage is not a question of wanting to or not, deciding based upon personal feelings about it. It’s a matter of when – if that.

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What will a life be like? Many people nowadays look to make something special of their lives, to live their dreams, realize their true purpose, or maybe just to live a little differently. The success of people who propagate lives free from a daily grind, such as Tim Ferriss with his “Four-Hour Workweek” attest to this. As a side effect, many assume that they won’t get married because it’s just too much of a hassle, a stick in the spokes of their wheel of life – and a guy like Ramit Sethi, who will “teach you to be rich” has a hard time convincing people that they’d better plan for their marriage, because chances are, they will tie the knot.

China has only just come from a truly planned economy to economic openness, but that with nearly full force. Companies come and go with little regard for their workforce, and employees are ready to switch jobs at the call of a higher wage. Underneath all that, however, is a longing for stable good lives, parents’ strong (but rather misguided) push towards the same, and a strong script for how a life has to proceed.

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As Google is making its gambit in China, as the relationship between China and the West (or the rest?) is seen as one of the pivotal issues of our times, relationships seem paramount. They don’t only exist in these levels of pundits pondering and politicians pontificating, however. China-Western relationships also, increasingly, exist on the very personal level.

There is not much that makes my emotions go high. Rather, it is a Buddhist equanimity I seek. For being in China, and seeking to understand and maybe improve relationships between China and the West, it is a necessity. I do, however, feel strongly about relationships, of us humans to the world, of myself to my significant other; and I have a rather passionate problem with ignorance.
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