at home… in China

As Google is making its gambit in China, as the relationship between China and the West (or the rest?) is seen as one of the pivotal issues of our times, relationships seem paramount. They don’t only exist in these levels of pundits pondering and politicians pontificating, however. China-Western relationships also, increasingly, exist on the very personal level.

There is not much that makes my emotions go high. Rather, it is a Buddhist equanimity I seek. For being in China, and seeking to understand and maybe improve relationships between China and the West, it is a necessity. I do, however, feel strongly about relationships, of us humans to the world, of myself to my significant other; and I have a rather passionate problem with ignorance.
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As everywhere, there are lots of stereotypes about people from different places. Hunan, as I recently came across, is said to produce good politicians – because Hunan people will first hold back and listen, rather than simply blurt out their own view.

Of course, Chinese in general aren’t exactly known for their liberal stories about personal life. Sure, a foreigner may be asked about his salary right after “where are you from?” and “what are you doing here?” (it has happened to me). Chinese also feel free to comment on foreigner’s foreignness and everybody’s apparent physical attributes – a fat person will be called a fat person, and you are somewhat fat very quickly, to Chinese eyes.

Interestingly, this openness seems to translate to the blogosphere rather too well. Opinions which might not be freely voiced in real life (yes, yes, also because you aren’t supposed to, and so on) will be debated vocally on-line, anonymously, and in strong language. Chinese who take foreign citizenship, Chinese women who are with foreign men, the few Chinese men who are with foreign women, officials who are corrupt and womanizing, women who are not acting like the demure Oriental fairies even Chinese (or particularly them?) seem to expect, children who want to grow up to become a corrupt official… you name it, it’s fair game (check ChinaSmack or ChinaHUSH for English translations of such stories).

Private life is just that, however. Private.

In part, that’s the factor explaining why the majority of blog posts I have been publishing here have been commentaries published elsewhere, too. I’m not Chinese, but I’m still rather private. My parents and I see it as a good thing that we can talk about nearly anything, and of course I have seen them kiss and say I love you to each other often enough. – Not something the typical Chinese child will see. It’s at least unlikely even for Chinese children and their parents to talk about things that are too private, except in circuitous ways.
This mixture of openness and reluctance makes blogging an interesting exercise:

Jocelyn, for example, is pretty forthcoming (at least at a certain distance in time) about her life – and her relationship with a Chinese man is basically the raison d’etre of her blog; Ellis strikes a balance that works in her case, telling personal stories to the extent to which she wants to, and making it so that you would have to know her pretty well to know who else she is talking about when things get into rather private matters.

In my case, it may be interesting to hear more about personal life, as I am in a relationship with a Chinese woman and it’s providing all new insight. There are rather too many people around here who know of the relationship and do not need to have their fantasies fed (they seem to run somewhat wild anyways, it seems – or so I can assume – and without much basis). I am also not willing to lay open details of the relationship to the whole world simply because I would not want to do that (and my girlfriend, much less so) – but, of course, it is a great influence on the topics I think and write about, and in the China-related virtual circles there is rather too much that is out of balance. Particularly when it comes to discussions about relationships, whether it be that of China and other countries, or Chinese people and non-Chinese ones.

Balance. Maybe that’s the key word. Isn’t that what makes for good relationships, good lives even? So, how about that for a guideline: more that is personal, but nothing that is (too) private?

They say that, if you sit by the river long enough, you’ll see your enemy’s body float by… checking out the trailer, it looks like some corpses get re-animated, though:
After a dumbfounded but fascinated Westerner went on a fantastic journey to a mythological China (in “Forbidden Kingdom“), now – 26 years after the original – a new Karate Kid makes his way to China.

I have to admit to a fascination with rather simple-minded movies, sometimes I will go so far as to hold the likes of Karate Kid or Kung Fu (the TV series) responsible for setting me on the path that led me here.
High theory be damned; shallow movies and TV series can be fun and they tell the world more – and more about the world, I sometimes think. They are certainly received better than high-brow theories.

So, let’s have a look…

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It’s all just words. What is being said. And so much more behind it: the thought of what to say, and the decision not to say certain things. Gestures, looks, expressions. Communication.

With people from different linguistic and cultural backgrounds, it’s only too clear that there will be differences. First of all, in the languages we grew up with and learned to speak; what subjects are considered topics for everyday speech, and which are rather sensitive; to what extent the communication is meant to support a social relationship or to be just the facts.

Intercultural communication has come to be of ever greater importance. Some people marry between cultures; some do international business; most come into some contact with people from other backgrounds. Maybe it has been given too much importance.
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